Do You Need Anger Management?
Simple steps to a calmer less stressful life This article will help you control your anger and improve your self-esteem; your family and friends will thank you for it. Whether you have problems controlling anger or know someone close to you that does then this article is sure to be of interest to you.
Anger management is not just for crazed maniacs or disgruntled executives. Learning how to manage minor and major irritations is something everyone needs to do. You may want to start by obtaining general anger management information and progress to enrolling in an anger management class. But first you need to recognize classic symptoms of uncontrolled rage that will alert you to the need for anger management.
Everyone loses their temper at times. There is no shame attached to getting upset when the dog has an accident on a freshly scrubbed carpet or a subordinate fails to complete a needed report for your one p.m. meeting. But if you find that you react in extreme ways, it may be time to consider anger management.
When Anger Turns to Danger
Do you raise your voice when things don’t go your way? Some people who are normally mild-mannered turn into yellers or screamers during a conflict. It can happen suddenly, where one moment you are self-controlled and soft-spoken, but the next finds your voice several octaves higher and many decibels louder. Your vocal tone and pitch, along with the words that come out of your mouth provide key indicators of whether you are a prime candidate for anger management.
Another symptom category to keep in mind when monitoring your mood is body language. Your fists may clench, your jaws tighten, and your muscles become tense as your ire begins to build. The next time this happens at home, head for the nearest mirror and study your profile. You may see things like bulging eyes, a frowning face, and a frozen posture. Conversely, serpent-like eyes and a frozen expression, coupled with a pale complexion, may suggest the need for anger management assistance.
Looking beyond the physical, it is also a good idea to seek others’ opinions about whether your temperament might benefit from anger management training. Some may suggest anger management exercises you can do on your own at home, perhaps while engaged in meditation. Others might advocate anger management counseling with a licensed, professional therapist, or anger management classes that you can work into your schedule.
You also may want to consider the consequences of any potential anger management problems you might have. For example, have you ever been written up at work for a problem stemming from your failure to practice anger management? Has your anger impacted a serious relationship in a negative way, whether it is with a spouse, child, parent, sibling, friend, or romantic interest? Has a family member or friend suggested that you need the help of anger management?
Anger is a healthy emotion that enables us to express dissatisfaction or disappointment with something in our lives. But when it becomes out of control, this personal irritation needs to be trained to remain behind wholesome boundaries. If you have questions about anger management control, visit anger-management-information.com for help in diagnosing any potential anger management situations for which you may need help or support.
How to Break the Addiction to Anger
It is easy to become addicted. We are all creatures of habit. Habits provide a sense of certainty, security and stability in our lives. When they are disrupted our sense of well being becomes easily threatened. However, when we depend upon a habit for our sense of well-being, it is easy for it to develop into an addiction.
Addiction to anger is one of the most common and lethal addictions, and one most seldom recognized. The anger addict becomes hooked by the false sense of power anger brings. As the addiction grows, it consumes more and more of their lives, producing painful consequences.
The best way to undo an addiction is to look it squarely in the face, see what triggers it, how it functions become aware of the false promises it offers and the huge costs we pay. Then we replace old behaviors with new ones that are easy and enjoyable. As we dissolve an addiction we regain power back over our lives.
To begin to dissolve the addiction to anger, we will start by becoming aware. What is the source of this addiction? What function does it serve?
Functions of Addictions
When we are addicted to anything (anger, substances, relationships), many troubling aspects of life are blocked out. Our focus narrows. The addiction numbs us to painful feelings we may not wish to deal with. The addiction is serving as a defence against anxiety. It prevents us from seeing and dealing with issues, which need to be attended to.
In particular, an addiction to anger provides a sense of power. This is often a defense against feeling helpless or inadequate. Individuals become blind to the fact that as the addiction develops, they will need more and more of it to feel okay. Not only does the dosage increase, but so does the negative impact upon their lives.
Addiction provides a false sense of security. At first it makes the individual feel safe and secure. The reality, however, is that an addiction blinds an individual from doing what needs to be done to build a life of true value and stability.
Effects of Addiction to Anger
When we are angry we often have a temporary feeling of strength, energy, power, authority or control. Much like alcohol, the surge of anger, which takes over, block out fears, inhibitions and doubts. There is a temporary sense of freedom and empowerment that we normally lack.
Anger also blocks out logical thought processes, producing a sense that we are absolutely right. Some individuals who have trouble making decisions can make them easily then. Decisions made while angry often focus only upon a limited aspect of the situation. These kinds of decisions rarely provide positive outcomes.
Anger provides a sense of justification. Many actions that might seem unacceptable when calm seem perfectly fine when we are angry. Anger also encourages us to blurt out negative thoughts and feelings we may have been holding in that might have better gone left unsaid. Of course, after the surge of anger passes, it is difficult to take these words back. Even if we apologize the after effects remain.
Managing The Addiction to Anger:
1)List the times in which you feel angry or upset automatically. What person, thoughts, memory or situation brings this up? For now, just notice this and write it down. As you go through the day, if another situation strikes you, step back, notice it, and write it down as well. Rather than reacting blindly, you are now taking time to become aware. Once you become fully aware of the way anger operates in your life it will not be able to sneak up from behind.
2)Find a substitute for the automatic angry reaction. Instead of reacting the same old way the next time the situation arises, stop, breathe and tell yourself, I will not be a slave to anger anymore. Stop and listen to the person and say to yourself, “This time I will let them be right. There’s plenty of time to be right later.” See how much better you feel now getting pulled down into anger.
3)Find a new way of viewing the situation. Instead of seeing them as an enemy, tell yourself that their anger is a cry for help. It comes from pain and conflict within. Instead of going on the attack, say to the person (either in your mind or out loud), “What can I do to serve you?” Not only will this diffuse the anger, but will open new doors for both of you to walk through.
Are You Able to Control Your Circumstances?
Do you feel completely in control of your life, totally happy and fulfilled?
Or, like the majority of people are you unhappy about significant parts of your life?
The truth is you can control your circumstances and how you feel and act in response to your surroundings.
One of the key messages from Stephen R Covey’s book “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” is that you are “response-able”. You are not like a moth flying into a candle flame because it cannot change the way it responds to the stimulus of the light from the candle.
As a human you are able to choose how you respond to your surroundings, to other people, to your circumstances. There is a gap between the stimulus from your senses and your response to that stimulus. In that gap you can make a vital choice – your response!
For many people this realization is a powerful and liberating thought that helps overcome very difficult life circumstances – loss of a job, a close relative, terminal illness…
Prisoners suffering terrible torture with no means of regaining their liberty have still found freedom in the knowledge that there is one thing that cannot be taken away from them – their freedom to choose how they respond to their circumstances.
REACTIVE PEOPLE EMPOWER THE NEGATIVE CIRCUMSTANCES IN THEIR WORLD TO CONTROL THEM
“Response-ability” goes further than that – we are responsible for exercising the choice, for being proactive.
People who abdicate this choice, who let their physical surroundings, the opinions of others, their current circumstances control their responses are living in re-active mode. To break out of this vicious circle, you need to subordinate your impulse to respond instinctively. You need to examine your values, what you consider to be important, before choosing your response.
BEING PROACTIVE IS NOT BEING IN DENIAL
Being proactive should not be confused with the kind of positive thinking where you tell yourself that everything is ok even when you are about to go broke or your spouse is about to leave you. Being proactive is not the same as being pushy and obnoxious.
It is just that when you are proactive, you are not controlled by your circumstances, you are free to choose how you react. You can choose to go with the flow and let circumstances control your response if you judge that to be the best thing to do, you can choose to stand up and make a difference, you can choose to look for a win-win result…
MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION TODAY