How to Control Your Emotions
Dealing with Emotional Pain
We feel emotional pain when we do not get what we want, need, or expect. We might feel hurt, rejection, bitterness, abuse, injustice or simply emotional pain. In such cases, we have not received the behavior or outcomes we expected or believed we deserved.
We feel this kind of feel pain in cases when * people * do not behave to us in the ways that we had expected as well as in situations where * life * does not give us what we feel we need or deserve.
We believe, "I cannot feel happy unless I get that which I believe I need."
We have associated our security, satisfaction, self-worth or freedom with something that we are not getting from persons, society, God, or life as a whole.
Some examples might be when:
1. Others lie to or deceive us.
2. They do not support us when we need them.
3. They reject or criticize us.
4. We fail at some task, which we feel that we should have succeeded at.
5. We lose a loved one.
6. Our loved one shows preference to another.
7. People important to us do not show us the respect we expect.
8. Others do harm to us or our loved ones.
9. We are accused of doing or saying something we did not do.
10. When are falsely suspected of having ulterior motives.
11. "Friends" gossip about us behind our backs.
12. We are not given the raise of promotion we believe we deserve.
13. Others do not keep their agreements with us.
14. We are robbed.
15. We lose our fortune in some way.
You can add many more situations in which we feel hurt because we have not received the respect, love, affection, loyalty, truth, kindness and justice that we were expecting.
Positive Alternatives to Feeling Hurt
Positive alternatives to feeling hurt, bitterness and injustice could be:
1. We can have Faith in divine wisdom and justice.
We are all in a process of evolution and nothing can happen to us, which is not exactly what we need in order to learn our next lesson. So rather than be overwhelmed by negative feelings, we can seek to discover what we can learn through this experience.
Our lessons usually have to do with discovering the strength, security and self-worth, which are within us. As souls in the process of evolution, we are constantly being directed to contact and bring to the surface our spiritual self.
This means realizing that we are whole within and can feel safe, worthy and fulfilled regardless of what is happening around us. Thus, every event which might cause us to feel pain is also a great opportunity to contact our inner spiritual self and move on and beyond this pain.
2. We are the sole creators of our reality.
We as souls create our reality through:
Thus others are simply actors in the scenarios of our life the script of which we have written. We can create a happier reality by:
3. Forgiving and forgetting the past.
In light of what we have said above, others are not responsible for our reality and thus can easily be forgive. Such forgiveness frees us from negative feelings and allows us to transcend pain.
Thus we can overcome emotional pain by:
How to Use and Control Your Emotions
Probably a third of all miseries that trouble humankind are emotional. Psychiatrists mostly discover that their patients are emotionally troubled and mentally feeble. Troubled people have their minds weakened or overwhelmed by strong emotions.
For instance, a paranoid may imagine that people don’t like him. A diagnosis may show that the problem could be a very low self-esteem. “I don’t think I’m a person worthy of anything,” he may insist. Further diagnosis may show that the patient was abused or maltreated as a child. The trauma had impressed a negative emotion that stayed in him, grew, and finally took over his mindset and perceptions.
Let’s take a simpler and more common example. A spirited talk about their child’s birthday party somehow ended up on a sour note. Mary couldn’t figure out why John suddenly became argumentative about what cake to buy. Later on, John admitted that cakes weren’t really that important to him. He told her that any cake would do as long as their child liked it. It’s just that he’s bothered by how his boss has been treating him in the office. His boss has been criticizing everything he decides on. John couldn’t take being opposed anymore, even with a simple decision on what cake to buy.
Every day, many people are held prisoners by their emotions. They let emotions rule their lives and decide how everything would turn out. They behave as if they have no choice but to yield to their emotions. They let emotions use them.
If you choose to, you can use emotions to your advantage. Instead of letting them take over your life and ruin it too, you can use your emotions to build you up.
The truth is that emotions have no power to control anything or anyone. The only reason they seem to be so overwhelming is that they are usually given power to be so. Emotions are similar to power beggars. They wait to be given power. By themselves, they can do nothing. Once they are given importance, they grab that opportunity and take over. Remember, emotions can grow in power overnight.
The good news is that you can order your emotions to propriety. With the right training, you can enforce a process that submits the emotions to a practical will. A practical will is that which is commanded by a strong and practical mind. If a personality has this operation, it will be a progressively changing personality every day. When a practical mind decides on what behavior to manifest and how to manifest it, a healthy personality is the result. A healthy personality is one that makes use of its emotions, rather than letting emotions use it.
Why Do We Have Emotions?
We as human beings have a body and a mind. With the body, we move around and do work. With the mind, we think, and experience emotions. Imagine of a human being with no emotions whatsoever. Only a thinking machine who reacts to nothing emotional but makes scientific analysis. Imagine telling a joke to him/her. They will not laugh at it, but either ignore it or analyze the joke. They make life difficult for those around them.
After all what is a person without any emotions?
Why do we have emotions at all? Your computer on which you are sitting right now is a perfect machine to analyze, think and give results. It has no emotions. It is only an intelligent machine. Why are human beings not like that? Would life be better if we had no emotions? We would lose all the charm of living if there was no trace of any emotion in any of us. Let us take some situations. A death - people gather, complete the ceremonies and depart. No wet eyes, no remembering the dead soul, no sense of loss. The law of nature is simple. One who is born has to die. So only intelligent understanding of that but no feeling of loss. Can you visualize the scene?
Love, what is love, if not an emotion? So there will be no love. People will meet, produce children and get away from each other. No love, no romance. What about family? They may have a family for the children to grow up. Then the family will get separated. Coming to achievements, discoveries and inventions. Why will a person without any emotions, feel good by achievements or get excited with discoveries?
So nothing great. Only minimum existence needs to be met. It is the time for us now in this discussion to imagine of everything we do in life. Practically all our actions are governed by emotions. Imagine a person winning an Olympics gold medal and walking away without any expression! Think of more situations and you will realize the role of emotions in life.
We have emotions, because we are not low-level animals. Because even dogs and cats have emotions. We have emotions because they make us enjoy life. They make us perform great things and they make us human.
Emotions as Information
When you were a small child, your painful emotions may have felt too overwhelming to feel. If you experienced physical, emotional, or sexual abuse, your little body was not big enough to manage the painful feelings. If you were neglected, unseen, misunderstood, invaded, smothered, shamed or ridiculed, it may have felt too painful to manage. If you were a highly sensitive child with parents who did not understand high sensitivity, you may have felt too much emotion to handle. You might have had to learn ways of not feeling so much emotion.
What did you learn to do as a child and adolescent to manage your feelings?
* Did you learn to numb out, taking your focus out of your body and into your head, thinking rather than feeling?
* Did you learn to use food, alcohol or drugs to numb out?
* Did you learn to numb out in front of the TV or computer?
* Did you learn to leave your body or to dissociate in other ways?
* Did you learn to live in fantasy or daydreams to not be present in your body?
* Did you learn to be a perfectionist, an overachiever, always being busy – doing rather than feeling?
* Did you learn to get angry rather than feel the pain of the loneliness, heartache and helplessness?
* Did you learn to focus on what was going on with others rather than on your own feelings? Did you learn to absorb others' feelings and be there to help them as a way to avoid your own pain?
* Did you learn positive addictions, such as reading or sports, to avoid your feelings?
Those of us who did not receive the love we needed had to find various ways of managing the pain. This was a necessary part of our survival. However, as adults, avoiding feelings has many negative consequences. Your feelings are your inner guidance system. Your feelings instantly give you much vital information.
* Your painful feelings, such as fear, anxiety, emptiness, aloneness, depression, hurt, anger, jealousy, guilt and shame, are letting you know that you are thinking thoughts that are not true – that are out of alignment with what is in your highest good, or that you are behaving in ways that are harmful to you.
* Your loneliness around another person may be letting you know that the person's heart is closed.
* Your confusion around what another person is saying or doing may be letting you know that the person is lying.
* Your discomfort around another person may be letting you know that the other person is not safe to be around.
* Your inner peace, joy and fulfillment are letting you know that your thoughts and behavior are supporting your highest good.
As adults, many of our emotions come from our thoughts. If you think a thought such as "I am not good enough, " you will feel anxious or depressed. These painful feelings are your inner guidance system telling you that the thought is a lie. If you then do something to avoid feeling the anxiety or depression, you are not getting the very important information that your feelings are giving you, and you are abandoning yourself. This self- abandonment – avoiding your feelings and the information that your painful feelings are giving you – leads to addictive behavior.
As a child, others may have been causing your painful feelings. As an adult, you are generally the cause of your pain – by judging yourself, neglecting your feelings, and making others responsible for your pain and joy. As an adult, it is your own self-abandonment that is often the cause of your pain.
As an adult, you CAN learn to manage your painful feelings by opening to learning about the information that your feelings are giving you, and by learning to access your inner higher wisdom to bring in the truth and love to yourself. You will know that you are thinking and behaving in ways that support your highest good when you feel inner peace and joy.
The information your emotions are always giving you is vital for your health and wellbeing. Why not start today to attend to your emotions rather than avoid them?